BAH HUM BUG!

Title Edit: (courtesy of Jgoat [spam email])

"Lead your boner to Leadership! Enhance her sweet grotto with Love Paints!"

I was watching the Scrooge with the kiddies while I was playing some PLO yesterday afternoon. Ok, so they were watching and I was paying less than optimum attention to the movie while I shoved draw after draw after draw that just couldn't hit. I played some of the 12 days of Christmas as well on Bodog.

Both times, I more than quintupled my stack within the first hour to be among the chip leaders. And both times I got it in good/ bad against a like size stack only to go busto within 3 hands.

I played the 4pm $100 buyin and the 4:30pm $10 buyin. I didn't really read up on why the 12 days exist, or the what it offers, but it was an excuse to play a good sized field on Bodog and so , wtf, I did.

The losing hand in the $100 turned out to be a jam from the bb when I held AA. He jammed with JJ. This made no sense to me because we both had like 12k in chips with the blinds at like 50/100 (or less). I only raised standard and everyone else folded. He shoved. I called. He caught.

The losing hand in the $10 was nothing like the first one. I only had AK. But the same scenario from a completely different player. Again, he was in the BB. I was feeling sort of a kinship to this guy though because we were both tearing up a retard in chat. He had an avatar of a rapper I think. Some famous celebrity, but none the less, a black celebrity. The offending idiot kept calling this guy the "n" word.

This kinda pissed me off a little because it was unprovoked and unwarranted. The guy just kept talking about how good he was and that this one particular player was (insert any ethnic racial slur you can thinnk of because he used them all). I should have saved the chat because it was priceless. But the victim decided to shove on me to my standard raise from the bb (again), and I called. Snap called really. He shows QQ, I never catch, and am down to 2k in chips. The mouth started up again this time on me, and assumed I was jewish. At least he was calling me anti-semetic names. I guess my phillies avatar was his deciding factor. Had to be. he had nothing else to go on.

So of course I stipulate to his assumptions and start giving him 5,000 years worth of oppression and tyranny. Then I go into some googled hebrew prayers. The whole table got a kick out of it, and I guess he got tired of it cause he just stopped bothering. He seemed to be pretty adamant about the fact that he was justified, correct, or just plain within his own moral compass as he stated everything so "as a matter of factly".

He coulnd't figure out why I would snap call with AK. So I told him that $10 was too "cheap" a tourny to be playing for me and I'd rather double to the lead right then and there instead of fold for another 3 hours, and bubble. Plus I had hannukah presents to open!!!

The wife called for dinner and I shoved on a stack that couldn't possibly fold any two with Ad8d. I didnt stick around to see if I won or lost as three others flat called. I assume I lost. Dinner was soooo sweet!

I just came back from the 4 year olds christmas party at school. The little tykes did a little singing and ate some cookies. She goes to a catholic school (as did I) and there was this wreath with candles on it. I remember it instantly, but couldn't recall the name or what it represented. Apparently I have been a bad catholic. I asked the wife as quietly as I could, "what's that thing called again?" "It's called an advent wreath you dope", she replied rather tersely.

"Oh yeah", I replied (as I picked my nose, ad scratched my ass simultaneously). Some of the other parents overheard our little conversation. This is what I saw.

One woman standing there, mouth open, seemingly appaulded. Another guy standing there, looking at his wife excitedly, pointing at me, as if to say, "SEE!!! I'm not the only one". And a teenage girl giggling, well, like a teenaged girl.

I should have the State of the Union post finished sometime this week and will post between Christmas and New Years. I'z gots some goot infoMazion that I think deems posting. And I don't think it's stuff you'll just happen across because it's like that stuff that no one likes to talk about if they are in fact employed by a provider. But I also think it will be constructive for all players to read and use in their assesment of how we will play, or what we will play in the future. Some of it is pretty standard stuff. More of it will be pretty surprising, I reckon, which is why I want to post it.

So, All of you fine folk out there have a wonderful Christmas, and to my fellow jewish bretheren, Happy Hannukah!, and to anyone else who may celebrate some other form of the Holiday, I hope you enjoy yours as much as anyone else. It's a good time of year to settle down, have fun, and enjoy the company of friends and family. Oh and you Canadians kick the shit out of each other on boxing day!

...a hot bowl of steaming Bishop!

I have been writing two posts that I don't know will ever see the light of day. I'm sure one will get posted, and probably soon.

One is what I call a state of the union address on Poker. Where it's been, where it is now, and where it's going. This is all based off of what I have seen in the industry, both live and on-line. From a players and a providers point of view.

The next is sort of a mission statement for bloggers and what we should do to protect and advance this game. Our responsibility have you.

The state of the union is more likely to be posted than the mission statement, because, well, who the hell am I? Jerry Maguire?

I found a new blog dealing with basketball. It's called the trillion club and has to do with 3 bench players from Ohio St who are determined to take the minutes they play and have zero box score. Well written and quite funny.

Playing live tonight and should be a very fun time. Back at the place you would remember from the bash where we had the tournament (assuming you came to the bash).

Christmas is coming and I haven't bought one present yet. Love that shit! Come monday I walk down the isles and grab everything that catches my eye as an acceptable gift. Mostly electronics I guess.

Congrats to the machine for taking down the Bodog.

I think of a man, and I take away reason, and accountability.

I did my part in participating in the winter gathering yesterday by dropping Al off ot the airport. That was my physical part. In spirit I got him the number of an uber contact who bounces for one of the finer pole establishments in Las Vegas. This guy has all the outs, so don't let Al hold out on you! (Drizz, I'm looking your way).

I was down AC all day in a meeting and seeing folks and talking with some pro regs there, and just really missing the play. I haven't "played played" in so long it's starting to hurt. I watched like a Dog staring at it's master as he/she opens the can of dog food waiting to be dumped in the bowl with the stare that would win any contest, drooling, licking me chops. Then some idiot jumps up at the table across the room screaming... "NUTTS!!!" and starts doing the chicken dance.

I look over closely and see it's a 1/2 table and the pot has no more than $100 in it. I wake up and decide business is a little more pressing than this free roll type of shit that seems to be played more and more at all the rooms in AC.

Walking and sitting in that room talking and jamming on the crackberry waiting for my meeting is a great spot to observe. A lot of you readers out there are voyeurs as well. People watchers. If you play poker it's almost inherent, or at least learned real quickly. I sat there and watched a $100 tourny in progress, a 20/40 lilmit game, and 1/2 nl game.

What do you think was more interesting? I don't know that I could attach "interesting" to any of them, but I can tell you what was more entertaining. And I'm not talking about the play. I had typed out several texts to Griff and Wheels with some hysterical observations, but didn't send them because even after wasting the time to type them, I figured, why bother? It would just be telling them things they already know. And would be better to tell them in person, via a story. I can be more colorful that way.

The one text went something like, "Jesus Ferguson must be trying his $0 to $10,000 theory out in live play because he is playing the $100 daily tournament AND a 1/2 table at the same time. Only this time he has decided to wear all navy blue. Including the hat."

Then another one said, "If this guy trys any harder to look act and play like a pro, at a 1/2 table, he's goig to explode."

I had pictures to go with the texts but I don't feel like uploading them from the phone. The second one is funnier with the pic. Just use your imagination. Picture Waffles with a skull cap pulled down over his eyes, wearing a Full Tilt Jersey, and taking 3 minutes before every action, looking confused in a way at his opponents bets that says he's really not confused, and non-verbally questions every hand that he is not in. AGAIN, at a 1/2 table.

I look at these guys and swear I just want to grab them from the hem of their oversized shirts and swing them into one of the greek columns in Borgata Poker room, over and over again. And not for any other reason than it would just make me feel better.

I'm salty that I'mm not in vegas. I'm salty that I'm here dealing with more proposals and spreadsheets, and a pile of phone calls I have to make. I'm salty that Cole Hamels went on NY radio and publicly called out the Mets as chokers. I think that is the dumbest thing anyone can do to their competition at this point. They've won the world series, they have beat the Mets up and down the field, and htey are their main rival. Shut your hole pretty boy. I love you to death but shut your friggin trap. No need to dance on the grave. For the dead rise again. And make you look like an idiot.

I hope everyone has a good time in Vegas. And I hope there's no need for medical care while you are out there. Al, I'm looking your way...

You'd better be every F@#KIN' inch as good as he says you are!

Nothing like an irrate Craig T. Nelson. Love that dude!

I was chatting with a friend and was telling her about something that happened to me. I play in a fantasy basketball league hosted on cbssportsline. I am currently in second place by like 3 points and third is 10 points behind me.

Everyone was giving me shit when we drafted cause, frankly, I don't follow the NBA. But I picked a good team, and luckily injuries haven't hampered me like everyone else.

So, anyway, Sportsline has a message board and a chat room to join while the games are playing so you can , supposedly trash talk. The scoring updates live, and it's been alot of fun. The scoring is based on like 8 categories, and you get points, and lose points for doing well or poorly.

I left a few messages in the chat room last week about most of the guys being gay or weak, or pussies, and specifically Fuckers!

Then on Sunday, I noticed I couldn't get into the chat. It just kept saying, trying to connect. I thought it was just a tech problem. But it just kept saying that even after I logged off, and tried again. then yesterday and last night, same thing.

I mentioned it to my neigghbor who is the administrator of the league. He tells me he got an email from sportsline saying that I"ve been banned from chat because of abusive language. Mind you, not one person in the league "reported" me, or complained. And, it is a closed, private league. Which means NO ONE ELSE can see it.

Christ, you should have heard what these guys were calling me on draft night!!

I don't want to get into a political discussion here about rights and shit, but what the friend pointed out was this... "When you hear kids on a school bus using the "f" word as much as X-box, gummie bears, and i-pod, it's time to re-evalute the standard."

Which really makes perfect sense. I mean can the word "F" which has taken on so many new meanings, as an adjective, a noun, even a verb, be classified as a curse word? Or should it be?

And back to sportsline for a second... why are they not telling ME that I've been banned. Why wasn't I given a warning? why is there nothing on the site that says abusive language will be banned?

Is this retarded? WTF??? And the coward admin won't send a message back to sportsline to reinstate me.

I'm not saying that the word should be accepted in everyday, professional situations, or on prime time Hannah Montana episodes. We should hold some decorum of respect. But to ban a private user, who paid for a service, well FUCK THEM.

And here is me exercising my free speech. Taking my business away. FUCKERS!

For those interested, I'm out for Vegas. I don't feel limping around trying to keep up with a bum wheel and taking at least 4x longer than everyone else to get to where I need to go will make it a fun trip. I've even cancelled the meetings I had arranged and will hopefully have some home games to play.

See some of you tonight at Bodog. Certainly will be a good time!

What the EFF is this??!?!?

Poker content??? are you kidding?

A quick impromptu game that came to life after 6 months of anticipation. I know, an oxymoron, but I use quick in the beginning of the sentence because only 2 were 100% pre game. I'm never 100% for any thing, so I put my availability at 80%. Which was quickly reduced to a realistic 65% by wheels rightly so.

But the stars aligned and I was actually there about an hour before anyone else.

9 folks showed up and blah blah blah, I left with 8 buyins. But as always towards the end of these things, the 4 or 5 of us left play omaha.

One particular hand was interesting. The only other player at the table that actually likes, and understands the game got heads up with me in a standard, normal hand.

I had 77xx he had Txxx

I was small he was big.

We limped to the flop of 6 8 Tr. I had no draw, and neither did he. But I checked, he potted, and I called. I called here because based on my experience with playing with him, I know he's not betting a made straight. and I know he's very unlikely to call a draw, rather opting for a re-pot to my lead out.

The turn brought a blank but also a second club. We both checked. This is where the range gets all mangled by each of us. Over pairs? Bluffs? all sorts of draws? In the least it makes this hand a little bit more uncertain for both of us.

The river comes a blank third club and I pot, which was a little more than a third of his stack. I did this for two reasons. One, he had been beaten up all night, and just got back to about even. Two, It's just about the only way I can win the hand with just a pair of 7's.

Now, this would be just plain dusting off, if in fact he walked into a flush. But I know that if he had a flush draw on the turn, especially a big one, he isn't checking. He would have bet. So I discount that. And if he actually flopped the joint, he would have been betting the whole way. Especially on the turn, so that turn check really gave me the abiltity to do this without any conncern. And I also assume that he's not going to call with an overpair, or maybe even two pair. Again, based on my experience of playing with him. He's usually a nut peddler, but he does mix it up a little with a bluff here and there. But checking the turn discounted that.

Here's the interesting part. He sits back in his chair, arms raised up over his head, and says... "If this was online, I would repot you". His point was that he didn't have enough in his holdings (only a pair of tens) to just call. But he also thought that it was best. But in Omaha, there is so much out there that kills him. The flush, the straight, and horseshit two pair I may have lucked into, ANY over pair I may be holding.

Now, we weren't playing for rent money, and I feel in games likes these, that the best part isn't winning the money. It's not a whole bunch. But I get the juice out of making the correct calls, bluffs, whatever, based on your reads or gut. This was his oppotunity to do so.

He folded and I took the hand down with the worst hand. But I don't want to focus on my play, I want to focus on his. We were heads up in a short handed game, so at what point does it become right to make a loose call there? Especially if you are almost sure you have it. Would a repot have even been right for him? Sure, in this istance I fold, but what if I actually had two pair or better?

Lets say I did have two pair and he does repot the river. I still call, even with the runner flush. Based on my knowledge of his game, there's no way he had the straight. So I still call in that instance.

But what is he really saying with the on-line statement? It's been stuck in my head for two days now. A stupid $50 pot and I can't get it out of my head. Why would repotting be better than just calling if you think you have the best of it? If you only have top pair, why repot into a hand that you think you already have won with a crappy holding? Of course repotting should tell me that he walked into a nut hand, or that he has a stronger holding than what I have, but I am not giving him credit for that if I do have a set, or two pair, or the straight based on what I wrote above.

Let me be clear, he wasn't postitive that he was best. HE just felt it. Feelings aren't always right, and he may have been committing the rest of his stack into my side of the table. SO why not just call? He didn't give himself the option of just calling. It was either fold or repot. With top pair.

I like this kid, and respect his game. Well, let's say I think he plays well. But why leave the option of calling out? Would it have been wrong BECAUSE I potted the river?

Any thoughts on this one junkies? *I'll give drizz a pass on this one because if it was him calling off the pot bet with top pair of tens, my cards would have magically turned into the nuts before I flipped them over :)

Getch ya azz to Mars, Getch ya azz to Mars, Getch ya azz to Mars...

Still waiting on the doctor types to get back to me about the recommended course of action. In the mean time, I sit here and pile through things that might be good to do while sitting in recovery.

Thats when I remembered the Borgata has their annual Winter Open. This has usually been a WPffffftT event, but the Borgata has shed themselves of that weight this time around and are doing something very cool.

The 17 day event will start on January 13th and will culminate with the Championship event. This $3,000 dollar event will start on the 25th, and end on the 29th. a $3,000 event as a championship event you ask? Well, yes. Actually it makes great sense. Especially when you consider the fact that it's a $2 million guarantee.

The events included in the open are very cool. There is a $350 PLO event on January 17th. Thats a day before my 40th B-day. I wonder if it would be ok to celebrate by getting my wrap to the nut flush, straight, and straight flush ran down by 2 5 T J, 4 suited. I think it would sort me out just fine.

I know the Borgata is also entertaining a "media" day tournament, so if any of you out there are interested in coming down (or up) and want to play in it, drop me a line and I'll see if I can utilize my intimidation to get you a seat. Because as, you know, as a blogger, you are kinda media.

You can view the whole schedule of events here.

Vegas is looking shaky right now but I haven't totally given up on the idea. If Fuel was going I'd have to go even if a kidney was hanging out just so I could get a free meal out him. I'll keep you updated.

Rollin rollin rollin, Raw Hide!

I have registered to play in the PokerStars World Blogger Championship of Online Poker!

This PokerStars tournament is a No Limit Texas Hold’em event exclusive to Bloggers.

Registration code: 453430

When you think about the sites that actually do for us you gotta put Stars in the rear. I'll pimp this free roll because its free. But how far Full Tilt has gone for us, with FREE WSOP Seats and the craziness, and ow Bodog getting us at least a little something on a somewhat regular basis, Stars is just, well, a joke.

But since its free, as they say, its for me :)

They have directly challenged the sovereign power of the United States. They're wrong, They're wrong.

I woke up saturday morning with a gun in my face. I was moaning like a girl all night so she held it up saying that I was going to the ER or she was going to put me out of my misery. My ankle had blown up on friday after trying to dunk on the 10 year old. She low bridged me (the little urchin), and I came crashing down like 260 pounds of bricks. Stepping on an old piece of firewood first.

I got up and called the foul. I Went to the line as she complained that there was no blood (hence no foul), and continued her protest until I bricked the two shots off the rim, twice. Not entirely sure, but I think I heard her mumble "your such a pussy" as I missed the last shot and called it a game.

So I head to the ER on Saturday morning. There was one very young asian med student, and one 110 year old Doc Hogue. I explained the history, and the Doc hogue, sight unseen, told me I had gout. What am I 80? Without any provocation or research, he told me to stop drinking alcohol and no more red meat. The younger doc shook his head but kept quiet.

When the older guy left, the asian kid ordered some x rays, but stated that it would probably not show anything because he didn't think there was a break. But he thought, based on his clinical testing that my achilles tendon had possibly a slight tear. My knee didn't feel to well either but I let that one go because, well, lets figure out the ankle first.

The older doc came back and said that the uric acid test he took came back below normal levels, which didn't necessarily prove or disprove anything. So he released me with Gouty Arthritis, a sprained ankle, and a request to see a specialist. Oh and a prescription for 600mg of Advil.

I take about 1600mg of advil a day anyway so I didnt get the prescription filled. Figured it was a waste of time. 4 at a time twice a day seems to take care of the headaches I usually get.

So I went to the Rothman Institute today. This place is the bomb. They take care of the Phils and the Flyers so I figured I would be in good hands. The pain has yet to subside so I crutched myself in there and saw one of the docs who is a heavyweight there.

He told me that anytime there is ankle pain the first thing they suspect is gout if there was no reason to belive there was an offending situation like playing basketball or turning your ankle on a curb. He also stated that the pain shouldn't be as persistant if it was gout.

They took more xrays right there in the office and he looked at them and said "well, look. You don't have a break of any kind. You do have some calcified shit going on in your joints, but I think there is probably some other things going on here." (Yes, he said shit).

Then he did some clinical things like twisting and moving my ankle around. To which I cried like a bitch and threatened his life and the lives of his children. He said he thought there was some tears there in the surrounding ligaments, and especially one in the achilles. But to make sure he ordered the MRI. Then he asked about the knee.

After some work up on that he laughed and stated that you probably tore your acl, so we will MRI that as well. Then he asked which hurt more, the akle or the knee? I asked if it mattered, and he said good point.

Then he got personal. I told him not to treat me like a 39 year old father of four, rather a 26 year old active athlete. He chuckled and said, "you know, it doesn't help that you're a load. You gotta lose some weight. I don't want to do $70 thousand dollars in surgery, if you choose to, and not have you do anything about losing the pounds (which made sense, but do you really gotta go there?).

What hurt more was the nurse giggling a little in the corner of the room. Actually, this was very cool with me. We talked a little bit about it, and I said, listen , I know the situation, and I have always planned on doing something about it.

He retorted, the issue is that it's all in your gut. Your legs are fine. But to support all those cheesburgers you obviously eat, you gotta just stop and make some drastic changes. He said ideally he would like to see me at 180 lbs., but with my size and musculature, and age 200-220 would do. I guess old people get a little bit of a pass.

I really like docs like this. They listen to everything you say, no matter how trivial it may be. I told him some things that I THOUGHT were important because they bothered me, but turned out to have no bearing on the situation. But he listened. Without that judgement or waiving off, like who cares what you say, I'm the doctor, I know.

Then he told me like it is. In plain and simple terms. I guess cause he knew I could take it that way without being offended. Which I wasn't. At all. So MRI tomorrow to figure out how bad the damage is, then a recommended course of action. There are a ton of things I like to do like play golf, basketball on sundays, etc. I still like to do the outdoorsy stuff. Plus I have a two year old son who will need someone to play linebacker and put him on his ass if he doesn't get through his progressions fast enough.

I guess my weight never bothered me because I am still able to do those things very well. But I think this is it. This is the wake up call.

He put me in a boot until further notice (I hate these fucking things), and sent me on my way.

So I will take whatever course of action is necessary to right the ankle and knee, then I will get on the gym plan. Pain free has never been that important to me. We all live with pain, but this has been unbearable. I look forward to seeing some progress with the weight and getting back to dunking on the 10 year old. Next time, SHE goes down!