Thursday, April 10, 2008

Massachusetts man endangers the World




April 10th, 1:30am est

Boston, MA. MSNBC news anchor Keith Oberman reports:





Early this morning, the Earths rotation hesitated, and it was reported that were tsunami's, earthquakes, and sudden changes in the earths climate across the globe.



Scientists attribute this to the fact that Waffles won a BBT event. They also have concluded that the damage was magnified by the fact that it was actually the Mookie, instead of any other of the 5 events that host the BBT. "We really got unlucky knowing this happened during the Mookie", explained Senior Professor of mathematics at Harvard University, Anmel Rhitskinnie. "take in consideration that if this occurred during the Riverchasers event, we feel almost nothing happens."



World Governments are now in the early stages of preparing for another possible event sheduled to take place in June.



"We're not that certain we can lay back, and expect, even given the gigantic odds, that this will not happen. The odds were shattered last night, so we will take every precaution" said General Patraeus, the United States most senior ranking military officer in the middle east.



The US military has taken steps to bring back 40% of its troops, such as national guard units to ready themselves within the most populated areas of the US.



Several nations have started constructing what is being called underground cities in the event that the improbable happens.



UN secretary general Ban Ki-moon held an impromptu assembly in the wee hours of the morning asking every member nation to prepare for the worst and to pray for the longevity of the planet. - "We cannot expect that a gutterball will not drop, and leave our planet in shambles. What we expect to happen in the event is nothing short of global devistation, provided it does happen"



Ladie and gentlemen, as I sit here and report this I cannot believe that our President has yet again failed miserably, letting down this time, not only the United States, but the world at large.

Did we not pass a law banning Online Poker? Shame on you mister president. You sir, are as incompetent in your 8th year as you were in your first. Having yet again, taken the minimal steps necessary to show action without substance.



God Help us America. For your president might just succeed in making sure no one else ever takes office again.



For MSNBC, I'm Keith Oberman.

7 comments:

KajaPoker said...

It even caused tornadoes in Texas, Oklahoma and Michigan. I think we will see climate changes on par with The Day After Tomorrow.

Sorry about the Dookie suckout.

Drizztdj said...

After reading about the win this morning I made sure the kids and wife were safely inside the nuclear bunker with supplies.

Instant Tragedy said...

the horror.

THE HORROR!

(Oh it was just a dream? Whew)

OH CRAP he did win it.

THE HORRORRRRR!

:-) IT

BamBam said...

NOW THAT'S PHUNNY !!!!!

BAM-BAM..... BAM-BAM-BAM !!

Fuel55 said...

Brilliant.

Mookie said...

Hahahahahahaha!

Joanada said...

Finally, an explanation as to why we got two feet of snow here today.

It's all fucking Waffle's fault.