Thursday, November 12, 2009

Tech issues

Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system>activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User.


Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.... Read More
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag, Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0! WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

7 comments:

pokerpeaker said...

Classic.

I was going to suggest installing girlfriend 8.0 in a secret folder where Wife 1.0 may not notice it. But I guess that's up to you. :)

DrChako said...

Brilliant!

Unless my wife reads this, in which case you are a terrible person and shame on you.

-DrC

The Wife said...

Wife 1.0 comes with a spyware program called Woman's Intuition 12.7 (advanced design)that will likely detect Girlfriend 8.0 as well as future, uninstalled but contemplated versions of Girlfriend, and automatically update to Nag, Nag 9.6 and require Diamonds 6.0. Recommend harcopy of Victoria's Secret catalog and hand lotion.

And Dr. C., before you get any funny ideas, two can play at that game. And I'll win. :)

Riggstad said...

Damn Spyware!

smokkee said...

you're obv unaware of the dual boot feature. use that and neither knows the other exists.

KenP said...

Damn, but am I stupid? (straightman 5.0)

I'd thought MS was the evil OS all along...is my face red.

The Wife said...

Smokee, the dual boot feature can be pretty expensive to maintain. Just saying. And isn't foolproof, which sometimes leads to the need for Wife version 2.0 - and we all know how expensive that can be.