Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Kings are killed Mr. Garrison, politics is power

I was perusing the internets last night while trying to stay awake during the bodog. Along my journey I was directed to a few sites that held my attention for about 2 minutes. Then one by waffles that is now bookmarked for life. Thank god for middle aged trolls/nerds/magoo's who know where to find the good stuff! "DUDE! SHE'S NEAR YOU"!! ... Just what I need.

After all of the tom foolery and ballywho, I stumbled across this gem of a report. Apparently, a Russian professor at their Ministry of Foreign Affairs has predicted that by spring, the good people of the US of A will see that their newly elected messiah will not be the miracle worker everyone has made him out to be. And because of that, with the addition of our escalating foreign debt, and the uncertainty of our own currency, unemployment will strike rampant, and private folk will lose their savings.

This will all end up with the country splitting into 6 parts. The Pacific coast; the South; Texas; the Atlantic coast, central states and the northern states. I love how even a Russian professor can deduce that Texas will go on its own.

His hypothesis, or hope here is that the US will no longer be the world regulator. That will be left to Russia and China.

So lets say that this actually would happen. We could label each region in comparison to its european counterpart.

Like for example: "The South" would certainly be like Bosnia-Herzogovina. Plus they both have a Georgia. Texas would end up being the Spain of Americas. Pretty much keeping to themselves and having a ton of fun.

The northern states would be almost like Ireland. This because the Atlantic States, (England) would put them under their control and and the Northerners would act like terrorists, a'la the IRA trying to gain their independance. Plus all of the catholics and protestants would try to beat each other up.

The central states would turn ito France. A bunch of cheese eating, whiny little bithces because the cubs suck, and they have no access to culture being so far away from any major metropolis. Waahh, we feel left out. We cant get natural resources shipped to us. WAAAAH!!!

Ok, now I'm just having fun. I could see the Pacific coast being like switzerland, norway, finland, germany, and deutchland combined. Everyone would want to live there. The lifestyle would be so laid back. All the hippies legalizig pot and other drugs. All of the good outdoor recreational things to do are out in the west. At least the best places.

It would become a shop where academia meets business and everything of significance comes out of there.

He also states in his article that it wouldn't be long before Russia takes over Alaska. Well, I wonder what Sara Palin has to say about that?!?!?! HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM???

I guess Japan would take over Hawaii. Or maybe Hawaii signs a pact with Key West, and become one sovereign nation called Mauii Conk? I bet they would figure out border patrol real quick.

I wonder if this is really something this professor has vetted out, or if this is something he would like to see happen? You think he has ever been to the states? what about Canada? How are they effected? Everyone in Canada seems so interested in US politics because, as I've been told, they are directly effected by our policies and economy. So does Canada go down as well?

How about Mexico? Poor mexicans would be crushed. No more crossing into Texas. I would surmise that the United Townships of Texas would enact legislation to kill on site any person that looks suspicious enough of trying to enter the "nation" illegally.

Anywho... Enjoy a wonderful Thanksgiving. It will probably be your last as a citizen of the United States. Most likey Thanksgiving won't even be a national holiday next year. Of course, depending in which Nation you live in, it may or may not be called by the same name.


Astin said...

What's this "US" you speak of? Never heard of it. Is it near Mexico?

Canada takes Alaska, New England, New York, and Florida. Maybe Washington and Oregon too.

VinNay said...

I'd like to see you try it Hoser. Ahh crap, the fact that I know your slang might mean you've already taken me culturally.

One thing is for sure, if you ever try to make me buy milk in a bag, you'll be seeing the unfriendly end of a carbine.

OhCaptain said...

You are pretty funny about the Central we'd notice that the urinal known as NYC is missing...pffft. You east coasters think the world revolves around you.

We actually have the natural would be you guys wondering where all the food went to. Hehe. Last I checked, Minnesota was one of the few state with a trade surplus.

Instant Tragedy said...

"Don't mess with Texas!"

Hell yes, any "furhener" would be shot.

You do know we do have the ability to be divided into 5 states...

And Texas is one of the largest providers of cotton, so mess with us and deal with wearing polyester.