Thursday, November 6, 2008

Conspiracy I tell ya!

This certainly was a wierd election. It had everything any election really needs. But there were some things a little out of skew for me. Certain things about the Dems that the Republicans refused to address. Where in past years they would have been all over it to ensure a victory, they did nothing this time around. McCain and his running mate spent a whole lot less money than the Dem candidate. In a race so important to either party, you would think that the Republicans would have fought harder.

Then, after Obama is actually announced the winner, and less than 2 minutes after McCain gives his concession speach, Karl Rove is on Fox news just KILLING McCain for running a horrid campaign. A lot of the right started turning on this guy, publicly, in the last few weeks of the race.

So I started thinking. And started researching. The information and facts I came up with are mindblowing, and substantiated by high ranking pols throughout my state, and different affiliations I have in Washington. I was asked to write a book about this, but I just didn't feel that this type of info could wait. It has to be released immediately. In addition, I couldn't wait to let it be found out by the party before I got my story out. They would definately do everything in their power to stop it.

I started my rersearch with a simple basis for inquiry. That basis being relevant to the question of why in the world would the Republicans lay down so easy for the Dems. Think about it. They managed to get Bush elected TWICE! How could they not get anyone else elected, running against a man who had zero experience, spent 85% of his time in his only government position campaigning for the presidency, runs on a platform of taxes taxes taxes, and is black?

Certainly the GOP has it in them to oust a candidate like that. With the resources and talent they have in their political machine, this election should have been a laydown. So lets look at what happened.

Eyebrow Raiser #1: John McCain wins the primary. McCain was never really a republican party favorite. Most view him as too liberal, and he has faced a pile of resistance from inside his own party anytime he tried to run for office.

Eyebrow Raiser #2: The general theme of the Republican campaign. Was this the weakest campaing ever ran by a republican? Very little attacks that cut right to the bone. Leaving the issues that could have been game changers virtually alone, and unnoticed. No requesting or vetting of the opponents unknown past. Just quite simple a laydown. Furthermore, the only thing they ran on was reform. Mavericks. Cut the spending. Then the candidate himself signs off on a $700 billion package. Then states he'll look for another $300 billion during a debate.

Eyebrow Raiser #3: Running Mate. When Palin was picked for VP, the media, and the country were confused. Is this a good thing? Who is this chic? What has she done? This could be a great move! October surprise in July! Democrats were worried, Republicans were excited! Then she spoke. And spoke, and spoke, and spoke...

I did some interviews among my sources. One high level insider was flabbergasted at my questions, and very apprehensive to my inquiries. After several assurances that he had complete anonymity, that his identity would go to the grave with me, and finally, a little "persuasion", he offered up this little nugget. In an exchange that was more like a desperate argument between the two of us, I was relentless in my efforts to get what I wanted. He knew! And by god, he was going to tell me. I I had to beat it out of him, he was going to tell me.

"Are you blind??", he screamed. I had him in the corner. literally. I was imposing, and threatning. "NO!, TEll ME!". "I can't tell you. They'll kill me." he said as he wiped the trickle of blood streaming down from the corner of his mouth. "I'll kill you, so choose your poison." I whispered as I drew my spyderco blade across his cheek. "OK, OK! I"ll talk." I sat back with pen in hand in complete and utter suspense. I was about to break a huge conspiracy that had been perpetrated, or, even still, was in the middle of being conducted on the American people. Thoughts of JFK flashed in my head.

"It was decided almost 3 years ago by the powers that be that we didn't want to win the next election. That it would be a step back for the party to actually stay in power after 8 years of Bush. Everyone knew what was coming. Even the Democrats knew what was coming Their plan backfired. The economic crisis was supposed to happen a lot earlier than it did. Bush would take the blame and they would be a shoe in. What they don't understand is that this election was theirs anyway." I scrambled to keep up with my shorthand.

"The powers that be knew that this next term would be strapped with a resurgance in terrorism, an economic crisis that would not be able to be remedied, or at least see results of being fixed within the 4 years. Whoever took the election would almost be assured of only having one term.". It was making sense to me, but was so obvious I could't see where a conspiracy lied.

"Why allow the most liberal of all senators a chance at the whitehouse?" I asked. "That was Mr. X's decision. We could have turned the primaries for Hillary just as easy as we did for Obama. But losing to Hillary would be harder than losing to anyone else. Plus, Obama had, what soon came to be known as, "The X Factor".

"X factor?! What is that?", I demanded. "It's reffered to as the white rabbit. The one thing that the republicans could use in order to get who they want into office in 2012." "and who is that?" "I don't, I don't know who... it was an agenda put together by the organization..." He started stuttering.

"What the hell are you getting at? You're starting to jump all over the place? What organization?". "YOU PEOPLE ARE SO BLIND! I'm tired and I want to go home. please let me go home, I've told you all I know... pleeaasee", He whimpered and started to sob.

"I swear to god, if you don't tell me right now I will gut you like a pig. SUUUUWEEE!" I started getting frantic. I was blood thirsty. I almost didn't want him to tell me.

"The X factor is something from Obama's past. Something we could use to ensure we could get our specific guy into the whitehouse come 2012." I was confused. Why would they need something from Obama's background to ensure anyone specific person getting into the whitehouse. "Let's start with who that person is." "NO! I won't tell. That will end me. But I will tell you what the plan is. You will be able to figure it out yourself."

He went on to explain that a lawyer in Pennsylvania filed a lawsuit to stop Obama from running for president because he didn't qualify. The lawsuit stated that he did not me the requirements of the constitution to be able to run for the highest office in the land. That one requirement had been the cornerstone of the plan, specifically related to who they wanted in office in 2012.

He continued with the plan to try and get this specific person in this time around, but it was too risky, given the circumstances that this next administration would face. They feared that they wouln't be able to guarantee two terms. "What is the requirement?" I asked. "Thats all I can tell you. Look up the lawsuit. You'll figue it out yourself."

I left him there bleeding, giving him one last kick to show off my manliness and power before I left. "don't let me see you again".

I went to the nearest starbucks and logged on my wireless laptop and hit google. The lawsuit was filed by Phillip Berg. I knew Phillip Berg! I could go and ask him directly. But as I read it became clear.

The lawsuit charged that Obama was not born in the US! His birth certificate was not official. His sister had said in interviews that he was born in a different hospital that Obama himself asserted to being born in. And his own grandmother had been quoted in interviews that she was in the delivery room in Kenya when he was birthed.

Schwartzenegger!!! It was clear. The republicans where going to prove that Obama was elected as an unqualified candidate. I called another contact to verify. "What the hell are you talking about? Where did you get this info?". I explained to him that I would not divuldge my sources, and he went silent on the other side of the phone.

"Ok, I'm going to tell you, but we never had this conversation. I can't believe this had gotten out so early." he said in disbelief. "Obama will be outed sometime in early spring. Instead of asking for his resigation, we will submit legislation that changes the constitution to allow him to stay. But this will also allow any foreigner, who has served in any politcal position the ability to run for the presidency."

"Reagan defeated Carter, and we see the same outcome with Schwartzenegger. The hope that history repeats itself. 8 years of Arnie, 4 years of a dem hot shot, and 8 years of..."

"OF WHO???" I screamed and sat in utter anticipation. "It's not just about Arnold?" "No." He sounded sad. "It's about Jeb."

I must have passed out. When I awoke, the phone was sitting in a puddle of vanilla latte that had spilled after my head hit the table. The starbucks employee was standing over me telling me that it was closing time. I packed up and started on the drive back to PA wondering how I would report this. There had to be more....

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

YEP! sounds like the Republican Party

allow me to congratulate you on busting this story. And thanks for bringing a little fun into what started out as a shitty day!

Very funny man!

Astin said...

This is news? Please, I put the final piece in this puzzle a month ago.

Arnie goes back to the gay marriage hubbub a few years back. In order to define marriage in the Constitution, it would require an amendment, and in the process of amending the Constitution, you can change other aspects too, like those pesky Presidential requirements. I called that immediately.

It was also obvious once the credit crisis hit that McCain no longer wanted to win. The focus shifted to letting Palin make a fool of herself and the campaign, and McCain floundered all over the place, basically HANDING it to Obama. Why? Because the GOP knew that whoever won here was doomed in 4 years when the economy was still in the shitter. Nobody will be able to fix it in 4 years. So that means a Republican gets in, the economy recovers on its own, and the GOP takes credit, guaranteeing 8 years.

As for Jeb, come ON! Everybody and their mother knew that Jeb was going to get a shot eventually. I'm surprised they've got it planned for 16 years down the road though. I place Hillary as the Dem preceeding Jeb, followed by Chelsea running after him. Clinton-Bush-Clinton to balance the last Bush-Clinton-Bush run.

Conspiracies are fun.

NutzCarson said...

Write that book!!!!

corron10 said...

"Its not a tumor"

Hammer Player a.k.a Hoyazo said...

You crazy man.

Although you're right that Jeb will probably be Prez one day soon. And to keep the family pattern going, just think how bad he'll have to be to ensure that the next Bush (Jenna maybe?) gets to win a few years after that!

Anonymous said...

I prefer Barbara Bush (the hot daughter, not the blue hair one)!!

Katitude said...

Do you stay up late at night thining this stuff up/

Alan aka RecessRampage said...

Riggs 2012!!!

Anonymous said...

I don't know man, I think the right wing political fiction books are locked up by Coulter and crew. It doesn't need another nut job writing books. Besides, this sounds like an elaborate story to cover for a horrid McCain campaign that got smoked by a brother...and John Q. public.