Friday, July 25, 2008

I'm sorry Mr. Finch, but I was under the impression that we had already paid for the vedict

I had a dream last night. A dream about the bash. Or maybe it was a preminission.
It went like this...

I woke up friday morning and headed directly over to Al's to pick him up. When I got to his house, he wasn't there. No sign of him. I smacked myself on the forehead with an open palm and drove back towards the pub. As I came up bridge street I notice two police officers standing over a body on the sidewalk, taking pictures with their cell phones.

I pulled over abruptly and jumped out of the truck. They were both laughing and high fiving each other, and I waved them off as I walked up and said, "It's ok! I got it."

He looked up at me and said, "where'd you go last night?" I explained that I wasn't there at all, and he must be thinking of Bam and Carson. "How'd we do in the golf tournament?" he asked. I told him that we hadn't tee'd off yet, and he asked me to wake him when we got there.

We stopped off at a Wawa to pick up some coffee, water, and two unopened red bulls for Al. As we drove up Whitehall Rd., he seemed to make a transformation from fall down, torn apart drunkard homless looking guy, into the pro blogger and party animal we all know. Uncanny really as it seemed to happen right before my eyes.

We got to the course and started to unload our clubs. Al ran into the clubhouse to meet everyone and as I put on my shoes, this hot naked blonde cam out of the woods and starting walking towards me..... (wake up to take a piss)

I carried our bags towards the clubhouse and I noticed several bloggers on the putting green. There was Iggy, standing there with a set of clubs that had light blue shafts. Obviously womens clubs, and he had a confused look on his face as to which end of the club he should be holding.

Ftrain was standing on the side of the green with several asian fellows who were waiting to tee off speaking mandarin, or cantonese, or possibly farsi, not sure which one, but it certainly wasn't english. Don was chatting with the cart girl. I don't know what they were talking about but he had an evil smile, and was counting out hundreds as they conversed.

Drizz and Pauly were prop betting which color car would pull into the parking lot next, and Waffles was tilting in a golf cart, stomping, no smashing the gas pedal without going anywhere. Little did he know that Corron10 and CK had turned the key to the off position, and the gear shift to neutral.

The round itself was a blur. I recall several conversations about things that went wrong. The list was plenty.
1) a total of 13 broken clubs
2) 1 missing golf cart that apparently made its way into one of the ponds
3) 2 missing flag poles
4) 1 group that never completed the round
5) a 20 minute debate, or conference rather, between Ftrain and Drizz on whether or not they actually had met me before
6) Bam and Carson decided that, somewhere around the 13th hole, Golf was no longer +EV and decided to pitch a tent and start a camp fire.
7) Falstaff was asked to leave the course buy club management because they thought he was "big leaguing" them by wearing a kilt.
8) Astin disappearred after the first nine holes. It was rumored that the groups behind his were getting Filet Mignon sandwhiches and a glass of perrier instead of the measely ol' hotdog and soda that the previous groups had.

We had all gathered in the parking lot getting ready to head over to the August Moon where the tournament was going to be held. Hoy shot a 97 and was explaining to everyone who would listen how it would have been an 83 if it weren't for certain circumstances. He then tried to detail every single shot selection, including putts, chips, and mid-iron shots. In hind sight, everything he did was perfect. Then conveyed his disappointment on how bad Schaubs played. Schaubs shot a 76.

We all piled into our cars to leave, and Pauly and Drizz were overheard, heads sticking out of each others windows, something about how many traffic lights they would have to negotiate before getting to the tournament hall, and then how many of those they would actually have to stop at. Then $20 per...

to be continuned.......


Schaubs said...

LOL nice one

I'd be happy with a 76 these days...

BWoP said...


23skidoo said...

Well done so far!

BamBam said...

You have no idea how happy I'd be, if Schaubs could pull one off and show up for team Canada!

Any interest in a drink on me?
I'm not sure, but I think I owe.


Anonymous said...

It's a 3 stroke penalty if your ball lands in my fire... and I might burn your 3 wood.

Tom McMenamin said...

your blog starts with "i had a dream last night...". Just remember that Martin Luther King had a dream and look what happened to him. Perhaps in 30 yrs we will get a day off from work in honor of your birthday !